I have been getting increasingly frustrated with myself lately. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a never ending battle between myself and the world. I do things that contradict what I believe in. when I fall short of who I really want to be, I am hard on myself. I feel undeserving of having a “christian” title. I start to feel waves of embarrassment and shame. I feel unworthy to come to god about anything due to my sin. yet, this is the opposite of what he wants.
This mindset of feeling “not good enough” to come to Christ about our sin is a losing battle. often, I feel like i can only talk to him when i have a had a “good streak” of being a good christian woman. If I fall short of this, I feel unworthy to come to his feet about anything. I know Jesus died on the cross specifically for my sins. I grew up in church learning about this my whole life, but that does not cancel out my human tendency to feel this way. I also know that I am not alone in feeling this way.
During my life on this earth, I have made more mistakes than probably the typical suburban teenager. To this day, I still carry around the baggage that came with rebelling against God. Although I have made radical lifestyle changes, I often fall short, and like I said above, it is hard to come to God.
BUT the word of God says…
“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8
Through every season of my life, whether good or bad, God is always calling me to draw near to him. When I reach out to God, He will always be there. I need to be willing to bring my shame and embarrassment to the foot of the cross and ask Him to forgive me. He knows all of my imperfections. He know everything I will ever struggle with. He knows because He is the creator of the universe! He loves me for me and nothing could ever change that. He is loyal to me even when I am not loyal to Him.
He will always be for me.